“Stuff” could easily refer to history, emotions, your hopes and dreams and all of that.
What I’m referring to however is Junk. Excess things, objects and/or bits and pieces.
They don’t mention this side of marriage in pre-marital counseling.
When we got married, we had many laughs about our extra stuff. Brian brought a black coat rack that seemed to house dirty clothes- not coats. That coat rack travelled with us for about 4 years until we finally threw it away. He also brought an avacado colored green foot stool shaped like a mushroom. I didn’t even like looking at that thing. It smelled funny, it looked funny and it didn’t last long. I brought a scale model of a house showing intricate construction methods made entirely out of balsa wood (a project for one of my design classes). I vividly remember the day I decided that we could toss it. Brian picked it up and crushed it so that it would fit into the trash. Just like that, 20+ hours of work flattened as if a tornado had torn it apart, tossed to the curb.
Another item that Brian brought into our marriage has stayed with us for the last 8 years. It’s The Incredibly Annoying and Irritating Ear-Splitting Alarm Clock (here on out referred to as the Alarm Clock).
This thing has been a thorn in my side for almost 3000 mornings.
Recently, Brian decided that he might have an easier time getting up in the morning if he placed my clock radio on his dresser across the room. That way, he’d be forced to jump out of bed and turn it off in the morning. I whole-heartily agreed- this was a good idea.
But, guess what that meant for me- I inherited the Alarm Clock.
Why does this Alarm Clock irritate me so? Well, to begin with, it doesn’t light up. You have to push a button in order to see the time. Nothing is more annoying than having to sit up, fumble around in the dark and push a button to see what time it is. I might as well just dial the time number on the telephone- that would be easier. Also, it only snoozes for 5 minutes. What kind of snooze can you possibly get in 5 minutes? That means that if you want to sleep for say, an extra 20 minutes, you have to push the silly snooze button FOUR TIMES! Finally, the most irritating trait of all: the alarm. It’s not the typical Beep*Beep*Beep you get from most non-radio alarm clocks. It’s a high pitched, whiny chirp that says very quickly, “Cheep-Cheep-Cheep!* Cheep-Cheep-Cheep!* Cheep-Cheep-Cheep!*” It’s the most annoying sound EVER- except possibly for the sound of someone chewing on ice, but that’s an entirely different story.
So, after about 5 mornings waking up to the chirping of The Alarm Clock and saying, “I hate this thing!” about 80 times, I went and bought a new alarm clock. That lights up. That has a radio. That snoozes for 10 minutes which everyone knows is the length of time it takes for a decent snooze.
I plugged my new alarm clock in yesterday, excited that I could wake up to the sound of a Christian radio station instead of the sound of mechanical baby chicks on speed. I already mentioned how my new clock lights up. Well, as we lay down to go to sleep I realized that this clock not only lights up so that I can see the numbers in the middle of the night- it lights up so that I can see the dresser across the room. It lights up so that I can see the clothes in my closet. It lights up so that I can still see the numbers with my eyes closed. So, I started messing with the buttons and switched on the one labeled “dim.” Turns out, the headlight effect was dim. “Bright” meant that I needed to go get my suntan lotion- I might as well get a tan while I sleep, right?
Well, this clock will take a bit of getting used to, but I can tell you one thing- it’s about 10x better than The Incredibly Annoying and Irritating Ear-Splitting Alarm Clock. I can handle the ultraviolet rays. I’m not tempted to pitch it out of the window or hide it under my pillow.
And Brian? He is sleepily oblivious.
Tell me… what kind of stuff did you inherit when you got married?
P.S. Did I seriously just write 744 words about an alarm clock? Yup sure did, but now it’s 752.😛